Microbe "C" defeats Harding "B"

Last Monday saw the continuation of the legendary Microbe “C” Soccer team, when they hosted a fierce Harding “B” team. Things were quite amicable until right before the opening whistle when the Harding team chanted the name of their mascot, the “generals”, before parading onto the field. The Microbe “C” team took special exception to this, and once the game began, they made it clear to the visiting team that they would not be taking orders from anyone who wasn’t Coach Dougherty. Mini Thor started things off by summoning a deluge that sent hordes of generals scampering back to the sidelines and hiding under the benches. Bam! Bam! took advantage of this exodus by sending a rocket that went through the hands of the goalkeeper and then trickled into the goal. With the score 1-0, the “C” teamers celebrated by showing off their best Gene Kelly tap-dancing moves. Everyone got into the spirit except for the Supreme Commander in Charge of All Operations and Captain of the Whole Wide World, who refused to strut his stuff in protest of what he called the fake media’s account of his performance in the previous match. He consequently spent much of the half reminding everyone that only two MBA “B” Team penalty takers sent their shots into the stands…the third shot was delivered straight into his hands after he stared his opponent into submission. In hopes of getting the SCCAOCWWW back into the dancing spirit, the Marauding Magician added three more goals before halftime, all to no avail. During the break, Coach Dougherty once again was able to refocus the group. Wearing what he calls his “Jürgen Klopp summer dress” (single tone sweatpants and t-shirt), Coach Dougherty spent the entire halftime striking different poses to show how well his attire complemented the very German-like summer weather (aka, pouring rain). However, the relaxed mood of the “C” Team suddenly wore off mere seconds before the second half began when the opposing team made the ill-advised decision to chant their nickname once again, thus causing Mini Thor to summon another cataclysm that turned the field into a giant slip-and-slide. The defense, anchored by Walker “Bloody Brawler” Stevens, Patrick “Wildcat” Tatro, Alexander “The Lawman” Doulis, and Hayden “the Gladiator” Kirkland, took advantage of this by taking turns bashing back all Harding players who were unfortunate to slide all the way past midfield, while Carter “Moses” Welch parted the big blue “d” long enough for Alex “Sidewinder” Barnard to put in the game’s final goal, ending the game at 5-0. Following the match, the A-Team spy made his reappearance by running onto the field wearing his #1 foam finger (disguised as an umbrella) and showering the team with more trophies. The mighty MBA Microbe “C” Team will conclude their season this evening as they face a group of swamp tigers at the USN River Campus.